THIS IS A FICTIONAL DEPICTION OF THE REAL CAPTAIN BLUNT... He's a commercial airline pilot and Navy Captain who once saved a Boeing 747-400 full of people from going down after it lost an engine. That hero isn’t on social media so we can't tag him. But if you give him the recognition he deserves in the comments we’ll print them out sit him down on our lap and read them aloud to him like it’s geriatric story time. GOODR + AVIATORS = MACH Gs Our MACH Gs are a classic aviator style made to give you the speed if you feel the need. Plus this smooth sleek frame means no unsightly imprints on your nose from those weird nose pads on traditional metal aviator frames. 1. NO SLIPWe use special grip coating and silicone nose inserts to construct our frame to help eliminate slippage when sweating. 2. NO BOUNCEOur frame is flight-weight to prevent bouncing when running biking beasting or exceeding speeds of Mach 5.**Not tested at hypersonic speed but...we’re pretty sure. 3. ALL POLARIZEDThe speed of light got nothing on you. These glare-reducing polarized lenses with UV400 protection blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. 4. ALL SPEEDAn all new shape built to give you the ultimate speed advantage whether you're crushing beers or crushing your competition. 5. FREE MILE HIGH CLUB MEMBERSHIPIncluded with purchase.
They open up a magical new world. Then they get way too challenging and we scream curse words and want to throw them at the wall until they smash into pieces. You can't really throw your marriage at the wall since marriage is just a concept...maybe your wedding ring? A framed photo? Anyway these rose frames with clear lenses will make everything better. Video games are hard sometimes. BLUE MIRAGE TECHNOLOGY Is blue light bad for your eyes? That's a trick question. We have no f#^#ing idea. But SOME scientists say it causes eye strain fatigue headaches & tail growth. So just to be safe we made these glasses with the ability to block blue light. Blue Mirage Technology: Our blue light blocking lenses definitely block blue light. The jury is out on whether blue light actually hurts our eyes or not but who cares? You look important in these so go ahead and block those nasty blue light. No Slip: We use special grip coating to construct our frame to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: Our frame is crafted to be feather-weight yet snug with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing when running. All Fashion: Look like a model while you’re gaming. Isn’t that why you’re taking all those selfies? No Spoiled Easter Eggs: No one wearing goodrs with Blue Mirage Technology has ever left a dyed egg out past it’s expiration date. They have however ruined many in-game surprises for people.
INTRODUCING SEE YOU AT THE PARTY RICHTER. Congrats! You won a vacation! And by "vacation" we mean our clumsy goons will dig into your brain and implant false memories of — ohhhh no we're getting shut down for violating ethics laws. Whoops-a-daisy. Well forget the vacation. Buy these shades! (And if you think you already bought them you're wrong that's a false memory.) We designed these shades to look good and fit comfortably on your face whether you’re running laps on a track or entering a time machine to the future. OUR NEWEST STYLE THE VRGs New shape with the same levels of style and performance. We designed these shades to look good and fit comfortably on your face whether you’re running laps on a track or entering a time machine to the future. No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarized: glare-reducing polarized lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun.
We designed these shades to look good and fit comfortably on your face whether you’re running laps on a track or entering a time machine to the future. OUR NEWEST STYLE THE VRGs A new shape with the same levels of style and performance. We designed these shades to look good and fit comfortably on your face whether you’re running laps on a track or entering a time machine to the future. No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarized: glare-reducing polarized lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun.
FOR THE SCHOLAR ON A BUDGET: PHG Sometimes they wear tuxedos. Sometimes they wear tweed jackets. Depends on the vibe. They like their coffee mugs secretly full of wine shaken not stirred. Not sure why. It makes a lot of stains. And they're not fast lovers. They're very slow. Like turtles. Reeeaaalllyy taking their time. These sunnies won't slip or bounce while you you sip secret wine and make turtle-like love to a fellow doctor. (WE ARE TOO 'REAL' DOCTORS MOM & DAD!!!) No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. No Dissertation: no one has ever given a dissertation to a doctorate panel wearing PHGs. Yet.
COSMIC CRYSTALS: OUR NEWEST CELESTIAL OFFERING Have you manifested your Cosmic Crystal yet? Chiseled directly from the mines of your newly opened heart space these Crystals are The Answer from The Universe you have been seeking. Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Hipster/Influencer/Dystopian Future Rebel:Whatever persona you're channeling we guarantee no one wearing goodrs has ever been mistaken for not being cool. Or dope. Or whatever the lit people are saying these days.
INTRODUCING VEGAN FRIENDLY COUTURE. You’re getting ready for work and telling yourself you look purrfect. But when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror you know you're lion. If you go to the office like this you'll be a social leopard! Something's missing so you take a deep breath and paws. Then you realize these gold and brown patterned sunglasses will give you the eye of the tiger. Beaming with pride you leave home ready to roar! (And the first item on your to-do list is to fire that pun-loving copywriter Klaus.) Features No Slip: Lightly-textured silicone earpieces use the all new goodr Cat Tongue Technology to offer enhanced protection against slippage. No Bounce: Our frame is crafted to be feather-weight yet snug with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing when running. All Polarised: Glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fashion: Look like a model while you're running. Isn't that why you're taking all those running selfies? No Catcalls: We aspire to the day we can guarantee that you won't be whistled at on the street sadly we cannot make that guarantee. We CAN however guarantee that no person wearing Runway goodrs has ever been telephoned by a cat.
LIMITED EDITION: GLASSES OF THE GODS This is Ares. He has like... no chill. Don't piss him off unless you want him to jab you with that pointy spear. He is filled with rage AND he loves gore. We just hope you've had your tetanus shot. Although no tetanus shot is required for these Ares Has Like...No Chill sunnies. Specifications Mirrored Reflective Lenses Best For: Running Laps Around Mortals Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun.
LIMITED EDITION: GLASSES OF THE GODS "You are cordially invited to Demeter's Farm to Table Feast. Please follow the rules.1. If you sneak in any store-bought trash like "mayochup" she will turn you into a gecko.2. Don't ask Demeter when she's getting married. She's not. Get over it Rhea.3. NO PHONES AT THE TABLE PERSEPHONE. Mama only sees you 6 months a year.4. Whoever brings up politics gets three months of famine.5. Wear her sunnies because they don't slip or bounce AND you can sneakily check everyone out in their skimpy togas.Sincerely Demeter. Yes I'm writing about myself in the 3rd person. So what? FIGHT ME." Specifications Mirrored Reflective Lenses Best For: Running Laps Around Mortals Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun.
LIMITED EDITION: GLASSES OF THE GODS Hades gets a bad wrap. Let's compliment the God of the Dead.1.GREAT ruler. The Underworld attracts more than 50 million permanent visitors a year!2. HE HAS A DOGGO!!! When Cerberus gives Hades three-headed dog kisses it's so cute.3. He's not petty or vain. So he probably won't like these compliments. Oh well! Hades Gonna Hate*.*These sunglasses won't slip or bounce while crossing the river Styx. Specifications Mirrored Reflective Lenses Best For: Running Laps Around Mortals Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun.
NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE Nothing takes the edge off the first tee like a strong bloody. Calm those nerves with the soothing touch of tomato-colored frames and celery-inspired grips while seeing the world through these crispy-bacon copper lenses. You’ll gladly tee head back to the cart put your feet up grab your bloody Grip It and Sip It. FLAMINGO EYE™ TECHNOLOGY We wholeheartedly believe here at goodr that golf is fun. Why does it have to be so serious? Lighten up! For that reason we have dubbed our golf-specific lens “Flamingo Eye™ Technology.” All the HD contrast and performance without any of the self-importance. FLAMINGO EYE™ TECHNOLOGY: polarised lenses enhance the colors on the course so you can see your ball as you sink your hole in one NO SLIP: We use enhanced silicone inserts with special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sinking that flamingo putt.**Flamingo is the new universally accepted official term for bogey. NO BOUNCE: Our frame is snug and lightweight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while you're swinging out of your shoes. ALL COVERAGE: Wider polarised lenses provide more coverage which also acts as a great disguise when you order your 13th John Daly after the beer cart staff has cut you off. NO GOPHERS
THE REHAB PLAN TO RULE THEM ALL Unfollow that Instagram famous fitness star who keeps telling you to 'stretch' and 'eat healthy' and start taking notes. We've got the workout rehab plan that'll get you those sweet sweet gainz. The plan is simple slam two mint juleps throw on these green and teal sunnies and ride the lighting. BFGs:BEAST FUCK!NG GOODRS With wider frames longer arms and bigger lenses than our OGs these babies are designed to complement and fit runners with larger melons. Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. No Demogorgans: 100% Guarantee against Demogorgan attacks. *Guarantee not applicable for any gainz taking place in the Upside Down.
INTRODUCING OPERATION: BLACKOUT When you wear these all black Mach G sunglasses you don't just join an elite sky force. You also earn the title Basic Bitch. That’s right. You heard us. BASIC BITCH: Badass Aviator Speeding Into Clouds Best In The Cockpit Hahaha. So own it. You basic and you know it. (Disclaimer: These sunnies will not make you better at backronyms.) GOODR + AVIATORS = MACH Gs Our MACH Gs are a classic aviator style made to give you the speed if you feel the need. Plus this smooth sleek frame means no unsightly imprints on your nose from those weird nose pads on traditional metal aviator frames. Features 1. NO SLIP: We use special grip coating and silicone nose inserts to construct our frame to help eliminate slippage when sweating. 2. NO BOUNCE: Our frame is flight-weight to prevent bouncing when running biking beasting or exceeding speeds of Mach 5.* (*Not tested at hypersonic speed but...we're pretty sure.) 3. ALL POLARISED: The speed of light got nothing on you. These glare-reducing polarised lenses with UV400 protection blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. 4. ALL SPEED: An all new shape built to give you the ultimate speed advantage whether you're crushing beers or crushing your competition. 5. FREE MILE HIGH CLUB MEMBERSHIP: Included with purchase.
RADICAL REFERENCES! Although inferior in all other ways to the sequel the best moment in the Original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comes when Michelangelo and Donatello are watching the tortoise and the hare. Hence we created these tortoiseshell sunnies “Ninja Kick the Damn Rabbit.” Ninja kicking is actually a valid strategy for winning any race! BAMF Gs: BEAST [BLEEPING] GOODRS With wider frames longer arms and bigger lenses than our OGs these babies are designed to complement and fit beasters with larger melons. No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarized: glare-reducing polarized lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. No Demogorgans: 100% Guarantee against Demogorgan attacks. *Guarantee not applicable for any gainz taking place in the Upside Down.
INTRODUCING POLLY WANTS A COCKTAIL. No your parrot isn't just mindlessly repeating everything you say. Your bird seriously wants a cocktail. It's a lot of work sitting on a perch all day. So make a drinky-drink. These sunnies won't slip or bounce while giving your pet a hard-earned vacation from sobriety. 'RAWK!!! POLLY WANTS A HOOKER!' Okay that's enough pampering. Boundaries. Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Hipster/Influencer/Dystopian Future Rebel:Whatever persona you're channeling we guarantee no one wearing goodrs has ever been mistaken for not being cool. Or dope. Or whatever the lit people are saying these days.
BLAST FROM THE PAST REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND CAREFREE AND YOUR BOOBS USED TO STAND UP AND SAY HELLO WHEN YOU WALKED INTO A ROOM INSTEAD OF STARING SHYLY AT THE FLOOR?! REMEMBER WHEN YOU COULD TAKE A WALK WITHOUT PLAYING HACKY SACK WITH YOUR OWN SACK?! US TOO!!! F*CK GRAVITY!!!! RELIVE YOUR PERKY PAST BY EMBRACING SOME EXXXXXTREEEEEME SPORTS AND EXXXTREME WRAP G SUNNIES. JUMP OUT OF THAT PLANE WITH YOUR MIDDLE FINGERS BLAZING AND SCREAM IF YOU HATE GRAVITY!!! Features No Slip: We use a special grip coating and temple grips to construct our frame to help eliminate slippage when your lava-induced sweat pops while volcano surfing. No Bounce: Our frame is fitted and lightweight with a removable nose-piece and two sizing options to prevent bouncing when you land on your motorcycle seat after diving out of a helicopter. Anti-Fog: Extremely effective anti-fog coating prevents the inside of this extreme wraparound lens from fogging even with the extremest sweat. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun: YOU MIGHT BE AN EXTREME ATHLETE YOU MIGHT BE A PRETTY AVERAGE ATHLETE WHO IS EXTREMELY DELUSIONAL. BOTH EXTREMELY EXTREME EXTREMISTS YEAHHHHHAHARGHHHHHWOOOOOHOOOOOOO
PSSST...C'MERE. CRAZY EDDY WANTS TO TELL YOU A SECRET. EXTREME DUMPSTER DIVING IS THE NEXT BIG THING!!!!! NEED A NEW LAPTOP? THE DUMPSTER BEHIND THE WATER RECLAMATION PLANT IS A GOLD MINE. GRAB A CELL PHONE TOO! JUST REMEMBER TO PUT ON YOUR WRAP G SUNNIES FIRST. THEY WON'T FOG UP ON THE STEAMIEST OF HEADS OR IN THE FOULEST OF STENCHES. Features No Slip: We use a special grip coating and temple grips to construct our frame to help eliminate slippage when your lava-induced sweat pops while volcano surfing. No Bounce: Our frame is fitted and lightweight with a removable nose-piece and two sizing options to prevent bouncing when you land on your motorcycle seat after diving out of a helicopter. Anti-Fog: Extremely effective anti-fog coating prevents the inside of this extreme wraparound lens from fogging even with the extremest sweat. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun: YOU MIGHT BE AN EXTREME ATHLETE YOU MIGHT BE A PRETTY AVERAGE ATHLETE WHO IS EXTREMELY DELUSIONAL. BOTH EXTREMELY EXTREME EXTREMISTS YEAHHHHHAHARGHHHHHWOOOOOHOOOOOOO
YOU'RE STUNTING You fall out of bed. You trip down the stairs. You pick up a tray full of drinks and walk into the patio door. You step on a rake. You ride your bike into a mailbox. You lean back in your chair fall and bonk your head on a fish tank. The glass breaks. Aquarium water and flopping fish rain down on you. Embarrassing moments? Nah. Just put on your Wrap Gs and act like it's intentional as you saucily quip 'I do my own Stunts!' Features No Slip: We use a special grip coating and temple grips to construct our frame to help eliminate slippage when your lava-induced sweat pops while volcano surfing. No Bounce: Our frame is fitted and lightweight with a removable nose-piece and two sizing options to prevent bouncing when you land on your motorcycle seat after diving out of a helicopter. Anti-Fog: Extremely effective anti-fog coating prevents the inside of this extreme wraparound lens from fogging even with the extremest sweat. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun: YOU MIGHT BE AN EXTREME ATHLETE YOU MIGHT BE A PRETTY AVERAGE ATHLETE WHO IS EXTREMELY DELUSIONAL. BOTH EXTREMELY EXTREME EXTREMISTS YEAHHHHHAHARGHHHHHWOOOOOHOOOOOOO
THAT'S GNAR BRAH!!! DO YOU BLEED FLUORESCENT GREEN?! DOES YOUR PISS HAVE A HALF-LIFE OF 2.5 BAJILLION YEARS? DID YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER GROW A TAIL AFTER MAKING OUT WITH YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME?! THAT'S GNAR BRAH!!! NUCLEAR GNAR!!! Features No Slip: We use a special grip coating and temple grips to construct our frame to help eliminate slippage when your lava-induced sweat pops while volcano surfing. No Bounce: Our frame is fitted and lightweight with a removable nose-piece and two sizing options to prevent bouncing when you land on your motorcycle seat after diving out of a helicopter. Anti-Fog: Extremely effective anti-fog coating prevents the inside of this extreme wraparound lens from fogging even with the extremest sweat. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun: YOU MIGHT BE AN EXTREME ATHLETE YOU MIGHT BE A PRETTY AVERAGE ATHLETE WHO IS EXTREMELY DELUSIONAL. BOTH EXTREMELY EXTREME EXTREMISTS YEAHHHHHAHARGHHHHHWOOOOOHOOOOOOO
EXTREME SCUFFLE Bringing tentacles to a fistfight is a sure way to whoop some ass!!! You're outnumbered!!! Outmuscled!!! Your fists mean nothing here human!!! Bring your best fighter and watch them get drop-kicked with ease!!! Wooooooo!!!!! Look Ma No Hands!!!! Features No Slip: We use a special grip coating and temple grips to construct our frame to help eliminate slippage when your lava-induced sweat pops while volcano surfing. No Bounce: Our frame is fitted and lightweight with a removable nose-piece and two sizing options to prevent bouncing when you land on your motorcycle seat after diving out of a helicopter. Anti-Fog: Extremely effective anti-fog coating prevents the inside of this extreme wraparound lens from fogging even with the extremest sweat. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun: YOU MIGHT BE AN EXTREME ATHLETE YOU MIGHT BE A PRETTY AVERAGE ATHLETE WHO IS EXTREMELY DELUSIONAL. BOTH EXTREMELY EXTREME EXTREMISTS YEAHHHHHAHARGHHHHHWOOOOOHOOOOOOO