THAT'S GNAR BRAH!!! DO YOU BLEED FLUORESCENT GREEN?! DOES YOUR PISS HAVE A HALF-LIFE OF 2.5 BAJILLION YEARS? DID YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER GROW A TAIL AFTER MAKING OUT WITH YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME?! THAT'S GNAR BRAH!!! NUCLEAR GNAR!!! Features No Slip: We use a special grip coating and temple grips to construct our frame to help eliminate slippage when your lava-induced sweat pops while volcano surfing. No Bounce: Our frame is fitted and lightweight with a removable nose-piece and two sizing options to prevent bouncing when you land on your motorcycle seat after diving out of a helicopter. Anti-Fog: Extremely effective anti-fog coating prevents the inside of this extreme wraparound lens from fogging even with the extremest sweat. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun: YOU MIGHT BE AN EXTREME ATHLETE YOU MIGHT BE A PRETTY AVERAGE ATHLETE WHO IS EXTREMELY DELUSIONAL. BOTH EXTREMELY EXTREME EXTREMISTS YEAHHHHHAHARGHHHHHWOOOOOHOOOOOOO
FOR THE SCHOLAR ON A BUDGET: PHG Sometimes they wear tuxedos. Sometimes they wear tweed jackets. Depends on the vibe. They like their coffee mugs secretly full of wine shaken not stirred. Not sure why. It makes a lot of stains. And they're not fast lovers. They're very slow. Like turtles. Reeeaaalllyy taking their time. These sunnies won't slip or bounce while you you sip secret wine and make turtle-like love to a fellow doctor. (WE ARE TOO 'REAL' DOCTORS MOM & DAD!!!) No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. No Dissertation: no one has ever given a dissertation to a doctorate panel wearing PHGs. Yet.
COSMIC CRYSTALS: OUR NEWEST CELESTIAL OFFERING Have you manifested your Cosmic Crystal yet? Chiseled directly from the mines of your newly opened heart space these Crystals are The Answer from The Universe you have been seeking. Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Hipster/Influencer/Dystopian Future Rebel:Whatever persona you're channeling we guarantee no one wearing goodrs has ever been mistaken for not being cool. Or dope. Or whatever the lit people are saying these days.
INTRODUCING VEGAN FRIENDLY COUTURE. You’re getting ready for work and telling yourself you look purrfect. But when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror you know you're lion. If you go to the office like this you'll be a social leopard! Something's missing so you take a deep breath and paws. Then you realize these gold and brown patterned sunglasses will give you the eye of the tiger. Beaming with pride you leave home ready to roar! (And the first item on your to-do list is to fire that pun-loving copywriter Klaus.) Features No Slip: Lightly-textured silicone earpieces use the all new goodr Cat Tongue Technology to offer enhanced protection against slippage. No Bounce: Our frame is crafted to be feather-weight yet snug with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing when running. All Polarised: Glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fashion: Look like a model while you're running. Isn't that why you're taking all those running selfies? No Catcalls: We aspire to the day we can guarantee that you won't be whistled at on the street sadly we cannot make that guarantee. We CAN however guarantee that no person wearing Runway goodrs has ever been telephoned by a cat.
LIMITED EDITION: GLASSES OF THE GODS Yes wretched mortal I am thy God of Art!!! Subscribe to my YouTube channel and smash that like button so thou dost not get smited. Plus I am thy God of archery music and dance. Mine own godly twerking puts Megan Thee Stallion to shame! Also I am thy God of truth and prophecy healing and diseases the Sun and light and poetry. Liketh it not? Too many things-eth? WELL TOO F***ING-ETH BAD!!!Apollo-Gize for Nothing Specifications Non-Reflective Lenses Best For: Running Laps Around Mortals Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun.
LIMITED EDITION: GLASSES OF THE GODS This is Ares. He has like... no chill. Don't piss him off unless you want him to jab you with that pointy spear. He is filled with rage AND he loves gore. We just hope you've had your tetanus shot. Although no tetanus shot is required for these Ares Has Like...No Chill sunnies. Specifications Mirrored Reflective Lenses Best For: Running Laps Around Mortals Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun.
LIMITED EDITION: GLASSES OF THE GODS Petrified of being petrified by Medusa? These shades will 100% help. They're inspired by Athena goddess of warfare wisdom and handicraft. (Oooh triple major.) She DESTROYED the arrogant Arachne in a weaving duel. (Weaving duels were the rap battles of The Old Days.) She sprang from the head of Zeus when he developed a nasty headache. (Ticking off toxic dudes from birth? Yasss kween.) AND she rocks Medusa's head on her shield to turn enemies to stone. (Weird flex but ok.) Hey it's just how she rolls. Athena Is as Athena Does. Specifications Mirrored Reflective Lenses Best For: Running Laps Around Mortals Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun.
LIMITED EDITION: GLASSES OF THE GODS "You are cordially invited to Demeter's Farm to Table Feast. Please follow the rules.1. If you sneak in any store-bought trash like "mayochup" she will turn you into a gecko.2. Don't ask Demeter when she's getting married. She's not. Get over it Rhea.3. NO PHONES AT THE TABLE PERSEPHONE. Mama only sees you 6 months a year.4. Whoever brings up politics gets three months of famine.5. Wear her sunnies because they don't slip or bounce AND you can sneakily check everyone out in their skimpy togas.Sincerely Demeter. Yes I'm writing about myself in the 3rd person. So what? FIGHT ME." Specifications Mirrored Reflective Lenses Best For: Running Laps Around Mortals Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun.
LIMITED EDITION: GLASSES OF THE GODS OF COURSE everyone came!!! Everyone knows Dionysus the god of wine general ecstasy fruits & vegetables (many of them phallic) throws THE best orgies in town.*(*Well maybe after Carl the Flamingo.) Specifications Mirrored Reflective Lenses Best For: Running Laps Around Mortals Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun.
LIMITED EDITION: GLASSES OF THE GODS Hades gets a bad wrap. Let's compliment the God of the Dead.1.GREAT ruler. The Underworld attracts more than 50 million permanent visitors a year!2. HE HAS A DOGGO!!! When Cerberus gives Hades three-headed dog kisses it's so cute.3. He's not petty or vain. So he probably won't like these compliments. Oh well! Hades Gonna Hate*.*These sunglasses won't slip or bounce while crossing the river Styx. Specifications Mirrored Reflective Lenses Best For: Running Laps Around Mortals Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun.
LIMITED EDITION: GLASSES OF THE GODS You know how you get all that junk mail advertising cheap microwaves and 12-packs of taquitos for $0.69 and you just toss it in the trash without a second thought? Where do you think it all goes? The landfill? Nah Hermes thrives off that sh*t. Swooping in and living it up on all your discarded doorbuster deals. Specifications Mirrored Reflective Lenses Best For: Running Laps Around Mortals Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. All Fun.
LIL F*KIN GOODRS: SMALLER IS BALLER A bigger head doesn't mean that you're smarter it just means you have a bigger head...It also means that you can't get on my level with these new perfectly petite Get On My Level LFG sunnies made for small noggins...So there. MIDDLE SEAT ADVANTAGE We know what you're thinking the middle seat SUCKS.That's where you're wrong. The middle seat is where the best action is!!! Features No Slip: special grip coating to help eliminate slippage when sweating. No Bounce: the frame is snug and light-weight with a comfortable fit to prevent bouncing while running or crushing any workout. All Polarised: glare-reducing polarised lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays. Perfectly Petite: These lil goodrs are perfectly suited for petite noggins.